Morning Routine

Every morning My alarm goes off at 5, I get up, turn on the BBC and shave and shower. I get dressed, walk the dogs, feed the cats and chickens. Some days it takes longer than others, depending on the dogs. Today was one of those mornings, where it’s like dragging two rocks around on a rope. They both wanted to go different directions.dogaThen they stop and stare up the road. They do everything except poop and pee. Finally, when I start heading back to the house, THEN they decide it’s time to head to the nearest bushes and take care of business. Why can’t they get out there, water the grass, lay down the big stinkie, and head back inside? Bip! Boom! Bam!

But then comes the big excitement when I finally do get all the animals taken care of, and I realize there’s nothing between me and a cup of COFFEE! Hoo RAY!

Hoo Ray rhymes with Thursday! (kinda) And that means that tomorrow is FRIDAY!

Hoo Ray! Havea good day!

We Won A BOAT!!!!!

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The Wife and I went out to lunch today, after we power washed the house and decks. After that, on impulse, we went to a boat show at Harbor House Marina. They were raffling off a cute little boat. My wife asked me if I’d like to win a boat, and I said “Not really, but I would like one of  those hats.” (everyone was wearing Harbor House Marina hats.) We went back inside and I found where they were giving the hats away, right next to where they were selling raffle tickets. The Wife bought a raffle ticket.

Then we went outside and there were hamburgers and stuff and a whole lot of people. Then came the drawing, we were so far away we couldn’t hear, so we went closer, just in time for the grand prize drawing, the boat. I went in shock when they called my name. I was zombified. I turned to look at the Wife and she was all excited, jumping up and down. I didn’t know she put the ticket in my name.

So they’re delivering the boat on Monday, I’m still in shock. I can’t wait to go out on it.

If I was going to buy a boat, it would be a boat just like the one we won.

Unbelievable.

All Animals OUT!

This morning I got up, put the chickens out, (they kind of quit growing UP, and now you can daily see the feathers growing OUT), I bet soon they will begin visibly growing bigger again. (I’ll be glad to have them outside, they’re beginning to smell)

I walked the desperate dogs, who were begging desperately to go out. I took them out and they didn’t even want to step off the dry pavement, they didn’t have to pee or poop, I was conned. So I left them tied up outside. The cats had gotten into their food storage container, and had been having an all you can eat buffet all night. I fed them anyway, but they obviously weren’t hungry. So now the house is nice and quiet, I’m drinking my coffee, ready to go to work.

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Dogs staring listlessly up the road at nothing.

The sky is blue right now, but I wonder if it’ll get rainy later…. Weather says yes. Scooter or car? Scooter or car?

Done With Dogs

I am done with dogs. I’m never getting any more. They come begging for a walk as soon as I get up, then they stand there in the middle of the road and stare off into space. Every day. They don’t poop or pee till they get back inside the house. They USED to poop and pee outside, but I guess they forgot. Why pee outside? It’s so easy and convenient to do it in the house.

I wake up, they start begging for a walk. Every time I turn around they’re there with that look on their faces, “Don’t forget we need a walk!”. When I get home from work, they’re desperate for a walk. Then they stand in the middle of the road and stare up the street. They don’t poop or pee. Half the time I have to pee when I get home from work. I’m standing there with my back teeth floating, I have to pee so bad and the damn dawgs just stand there and stare. Waste of my time. I wouldn’t even come home after work if I didn’t have to take them out. I’d go swim and get a little exercise in my life.

The dogs are killing me. The frustration and anger they cause is a fraction of the pleasure they give.

Thursday Thoughts?

I can’t think of a title for my post today.

Here we are, suddenly, the week is almost over.

My sister arrives Saturday, as well as a friend I’ve never met from the cigar forum. I quit smoking cigars more than a month ago, I could probably search this blog to find the exact date, but I think I will probably smoke when this guy arrives. I quit because the Wife asked me to, but she says she doesn’t mind me smoking as long as I don’t smoke every day.

We got this new dog food, Be Happy. The dogs really like it.

NESTLE PURINA PETCARE COMPANY BE HAPPYIt’s probably no good for you, but the dawgs woof it down.

Yesterday there was a rainbow around the sun. It was cool.

May 08, 2013 000I think it’s supposed to mean something. …

Poor Poor Sheba

Sheba has been itching and scratching and biting herself for months. We’ve taken her to the vet, got medicine and cream and shampoos and it seems to get better for awhile and then gets bad again. Finally we paid for this expensive allergy test that was to be the mother of all mothers of a test, and we’d definitely know what was causing the problem then. But, the vet made no big deal of this test, and started again, cycling us through the pills and medicines and shampoos that didn’t work first time…Shebacone

poor poor Sheba Girly Girl!

Yesterday Poor Sheba was bloody from biting at the base of her tail. The Wife took her to the other vet. Now Poor Poor Sheba is in the cone of shame, and she’s embarrassed! And she got her butt shaved and looks funny. Also she’s on human Benedryl, and some other medicines with a crazy schedule, heavy doses at first, tapering off slowly. I like it. First of all Shebas tail is sure to heal because of the cone, and I like the heavy doses of medicine tapering off. It makes sense to me.I had to write down a list of what pills she gets and when she gets them.

In other news, here is a picture of our cat, Little One, in a basket in a tree. It is “cute”, designed to make girls go “squeeee!”Jan 22, 2013 025Lunchtime today marks the hump in humpday, after lunch, next weekend is closer than last weekend was!

Flashback Friday: Missy the Dog

Yesterday I mentioned cats in heat, today I’m going to mention dogs in heat.

When I was younger I delivered newspapers. I think I delivered papers about 6 years total. I started helping my friends big brother deliver the route their house was on, then I got my own route. First I had two routes downtown, then I got the route that my house was on.

My neighbors four doors down, the Boots’es, (I remember Randy Boots, older than us by probably 10 years and he had a sister, if you said her name I’d remember, she was a few years older than us. I had a crush on her, she was cute.)

(We used to put my friend Gregs little brother, Danny, through the Boots’es doggie door in their garage and he’d let us in, and we’d play pool on the pool table in their garage. And we used to climb up on their roof when they weren’t home. One time Mr Boots came home when we were on the roof, and we ran up over the top, down the back, and straight off the edge without even slowing down. We were out of the yard before he got around back and looked up on the roof. He asked us how we got down? Jumped? and we said yes. He just shook his head and walked in his house.)

The Boots’es had a dog named Missy, who hung out at my friend Gregs house. Missy was a pure outdoor mutt. Tangled fur, grey, old. If you howled like a wolf. Missy would howl like a wolf. If you said “sickem” she would bark at whoever you were looking at. She had gnarley teeth, was stinky and ugly.This picture is sorta close, but Missy had longer cheekhair…

MissySoooo, Missy would come on my paper route with me every day. I’d deliver the few papers behind my house, then pick up my Paper Bag (not paper bag) and head down the street to the neighborhood. And every day, two doors down, Missy would come angling out from the Gunn-ses and walk beside me, just me and Missy.

Except when she was in heat, then I had about a million dogs walking with me on my route.

Poor Poor Sheba

Poor Poor Sheba

Sheba had a rough day yesterday. First she got kicked in the teeth, then she got her ear stepped on.

We were playing with a tennis ball on the front porch. Sheba was holding the ball in her hand. I tried to kick it away from under her paw, at the same time, she tried to grab it with her mouth. I ended up kicking her in her razor-sharp chompers, she went rolling, I got a bloody toe.

Later, Sheba was recovering from her ordeal on the cool living room tiles. The Wife was making some technical adjustments on her Wii. Suddenly Sheba let out a whine-ish yelp like we’ve never heard before. The wife had accidentally stepped on her ear.

Sheba immediately came over to me for some consolation. And I suggested the wife give them dawgs some treats to compensate, which she did.

Poor Poor Sheba

Yawning

Did you ever notice that if someone yawns, it makes you yawn too? Or if you yawn and someone sees you they’ll yawn too. Did you ever see a chain reaction in a room where someone yawns and it sets off a chain reaction throughout the room. It even works on dogs too, this morning I yawned, Ditto saw me and a second later, he yawned too. That’s what made me start thinking of this.

Today I got nothing to do and that’s what I plan on doing. Maybe dig out my bicycle or go diving. Unless my wife gives me some assignments before she leaves for work…

Interesting Morning

Woke up this morning, which is always good. And it’s Friday, which is also good. Went to walk the dogs and feed the cats.

How come it gets light a long time before the sun comes up, but when the sun goes down, it seems to get dark almost immediately?

So, I walked the dogs, uneventful, unless you count that they both laid down some really nice big stinkies. I didn’t take pictures.

Then I fed the cats. One missing. Lee. Where’s Lee? She never misses a meal. Oh well.

cat and rat

Dishing out the cat food, and I see Lee coming out of the woods with a rat. A big one. She has him in her mouth and he’s dragging on the ground. She lays the rat down and sits in the yard, contemplating what to do. “Do I leave my catch and go eat cat food, or stay with my prize?” She comes to eat. I go check out the rat. It’s huge, as big as my foot, nose to tail. Laying in the grass. Still breathing, undamaged looking.

I hear the puck puck puck of chicken beak hitting cat bowl. Puck puck puck rhymes with fuck fuck fuck and cluck cluck cluck. What the Effin’ Hell. If I don’t sit and guard these cats while they eat, the chickens come and steal their food. What kind of cat would let a chicken steal his or her food? All of them apparently.

So

I leave the rat and approach the cat bowls, to scare the (2) chickens away so the cats can eat. One chicken runs off as I get near. The other SteeeU-Pid clucker stays there and continues to puck puck puck at the cat food.

I swatted that chicken on the back same as smacking a bad dog on the ass. She took off in a cloud of feathers and a cacophony of squalking.

Dammit. THAT woke The Wife up. But it was fun. I’ve heard of choking chickens and spanking monkeys…. does this count?

Now back to the rat. Lee the cat, done eating, shows no interest in the rat anymore. What am I going to do? Squish it with a brick? Stab it with a stick? Just leave it there? Nurse it back to health? The answer to all those questions is no.

I got one of my work gloves, Mikey Jackson would have been proud. I go to the unconscious panting rat and pick it up by the tail. Oh yeah, playin’ possum for sure. The rat started squirming around and I was glad rats can’t do sit-ups with their tails.

I walk and walk. Through the vacant lot next door, past the new house construction site. Across the street. The rat quit squirming and seems quite interested in this trip. Beady eyes looking around, whiskers twitching. Cute giant rat. Across the next street and drop the rat by the side of the road. Now he’s playing possum again, c’mon dude.

And then I came back home.

And that was all before my first cuppa coffee.

Have a good puck puck pucking weekend!