Woke up this morning, which is always good. And it’s Friday, which is also good. Went to walk the dogs and feed the cats.

How come it gets light a long time before the sun comes up, but when the sun goes down, it seems to get dark almost immediately?

So, I walked the dogs, uneventful, unless you count that they both laid down some really nice big stinkies. I didn’t take pictures.

Then I fed the cats. One missing. Lee. Where’s Lee? She never misses a meal. Oh well.

cat and rat

Dishing out the cat food, and I see Lee coming out of the woods with a rat. A big one. She has him in her mouth and he’s dragging on the ground. She lays the rat down and sits in the yard, contemplating what to do. “Do I leave my catch and go eat cat food, or stay with my prize?” She comes to eat. I go check out the rat. It’s huge, as big as my foot, nose to tail. Laying in the grass. Still breathing, undamaged looking.

I hear the puck puck puck of chicken beak hitting cat bowl. Puck puck puck rhymes with fuck fuck fuck and cluck cluck cluck. What the Effin’ Hell. If I don’t sit and guard these cats while they eat, the chickens come and steal their food. What kind of cat would let a chicken steal his or her food? All of them apparently.

So

I leave the rat and approach the cat bowls, to scare the (2) chickens away so the cats can eat. One chicken runs off as I get near. The other SteeeU-Pid clucker stays there and continues to puck puck puck at the cat food.

I swatted that chicken on the back same as smacking a bad dog on the ass. She took off in a cloud of feathers and a cacophony of squalking.

Dammit. THAT woke The Wife up. But it was fun. I’ve heard of choking chickens and spanking monkeys…. does this count?

Now back to the rat. Lee the cat, done eating, shows no interest in the rat anymore. What am I going to do? Squish it with a brick? Stab it with a stick? Just leave it there? Nurse it back to health? The answer to all those questions is no.

I got one of my work gloves, Mikey Jackson would have been proud. I go to the unconscious panting rat and pick it up by the tail. Oh yeah, playin’ possum for sure. The rat started squirming around and I was glad rats can’t do sit-ups with their tails.

I walk and walk. Through the vacant lot next door, past the new house construction site. Across the street. The rat quit squirming and seems quite interested in this trip. Beady eyes looking around, whiskers twitching. Cute giant rat. Across the next street and drop the rat by the side of the road. Now he’s playing possum again, c’mon dude.

And then I came back home.

And that was all before my first cuppa coffee.

Have a good puck puck pucking weekend!