Something’s wrong with my attitude. I feel like I’m on the verge of loosing my temper and yelling. All my life I’ve been fighting anger, not so much anger, but the symptom of anger, loosing my temper and having a screaming fit. My dad always did that, I don’t want to be like him. Lately I’ve been doing really well. It has been over two months since I lost my temper and hollered at anybody. Not two months since I felt anger, just two months since I’ve acted on it. But now work is getting to me. Since my boss retired, it seems like I’m overloaded. Im May, I’m working every weekend, and a lot of evenings. I don’t get overtime or any compensation. I’m supposed to get compensation time, but have accrued hundereds of hours, and never get to use as much as I earn. I try to put on the brakes and not accumulate so much comp time, but I guess I don’t have any brakes. Anytime anybody else puts on the brakes, and refuses to do a job, I am the one they call to step in and do it. If a job needs to be done, I won’t say no. Yesterday after work I sat in traffic and as soon as I wallked in the door at home the phone rang, they have a problem with a computer and want me to come back. Luckily I was able to get it working over thephone, but not always.
But it’s not all everybody else’s faults either. My voice can sound angry and frustrated even when I’m not. My tone of voice when I explain something can make people angry sometimes. To me that’s confusing, I’m explaining something and all of a sudden they get pissed and I have no idea why. To me it seems to come out of the blue. I have problems dealing with people. I know how things work, but not how people work. People who know me must think I’m kind of a weirdo. Or an asshole. I’ve been called intimidating. It’s not as bad as I make it sound, but I have a situation I have to deal with at work. I have to do it without loosing my temper and screaming, like dear ‘ol dad. It stresses me out to see it coming.