This morning I got up and went for a run. Then I drove to work in the pouring pouring rain and when I got there, I installed that computer, connected it to the network and moved the announcers back in from the other studio. I had a rough time making it connect to the network at first and I was getting angry and frustrated, but finally everything clicked into place and its going good! Then I went for lunch and took a nap. I kind of felt guilty for not going to the beach and swimming and getting some exercise. I told myself I DID run this morning, but I feel guilty anyway.
I lost my temper at work today, I had a broadcast this afternoon and I called in to do the mic check and the announcer was doing an interview in the studio. The interview was supposed to be over at 5 and it was after 5, So I felt justfied in getting pissed off. For me, there is no such thing as justifiable anger. I also got mad yesterday when the same announcer was doing another interview in the studio the talk show was on. I never had a chance to test the equipment, there were problems, and a 1 hour talk show started 10 minutes late.
I have a theory. It is stupid, but here goes: My brain sits in a teacup full of water. there is a tiny pump with a filter that circulates the water and cleans it. When the water is clear, I feel great! When I get angry, the cause of my anger is like someone dropping a teabag into the water and it gets colored. Even after the source of anger goes away, (someone takes the teabag out) The water stays colored untill the filter has a chance to make the water clear again. The filter isn’t terribly efficent. As long as the water isn’t clear, I don’t feel as good as I like to. That’s why I get angry quick and get over it slow. Is that a stupid theory or what? I think I get angry easier than most people, but get over it quicker, which isn’t too good, because I get mad, then they get mad back, then I get over it, but they’re still mad at me, then I feel like guilty for getting mad, and I’m under their assault.
Right now I feel bad that I lost my temper, and I hate it every time I do that. I wish I could not get angry.
But now I’m going for a bike ride.