Well, here I am on the Brac. Saw the OI girl last night. We spent most of the evening together and in at the end of it she said she wants to be “just friends”. She told me last time she had plans to try to get together with her old boyfriend. She told me the same thing again. She said she talks to him almost every day. So on a certain level, I can understand. On the other hand, I don’t think I’m wrong in thinking she likes (liked?) me too. She told me that she’s coming for a visit at the end of the month, and I was one of the main reasons. Maybe she was a little undecided then and more decided now.

On the other hand, I like her. I found myself trying to convey that I liked her and that because I liked her it made me want sex with her even more. ‘m not sure it came out sounding right. I don’t feel like I am doing anything wrong, I am not trying to just get sex. I want sex with her because I like her. But I felt uneasy pressing her for sex, but I REALLY wanted it. I don’t think I pressed too hard, and I told her I was afraid I wasn’t being aggressive enough.

I am one who does not deal well with rejection. Part of me thinks that if I tell her how much I like her, she will reject completely me because if it. If she wanted just sex last time, and I’m feeling attachment because of it, that’s a problem for her.

It’s hard for me to not let this partially rejected feeling show. Here my attitude is everything. I still have a few days here, I don’t want to screw them up. Also, I’m not giving up on her. But when I go back, I will have a direction. I will not be left hanging.

Another thing, it is difficult to “go back”. If two people are having sex, it is hard to go back to having a non sexual “just friends” relationship. Difficult, but not impossible.

I can write all this, and get my feeling sorted and make it make sense, but when I speak about it, it comes out wrong. Contradictory and illogical.

The weather sucks, there’s something going on, some tropical depression forming or something. It is seldom this cloudy and windy and rainy for so long.

0 thoughts on “Uh….

  1. Geez, sorry Mark, I was sure you’d be gettin your freak on this weekend. I said it before, I find it hard to believe you are rejected often. Have you looked in the mirror? She’s all mixed up. Ex boyfriends, new boyfriends with sex involved…she needs to figure it all out.That’s too bad the weather isn’t cooperating. Kinda compounds the problem ‘eh?

  2. What a bummer. Sorry to hear you got the “just friends” line. But then again she left it open ended so all is not lost. And believe me she wouldn’t have told you that she was coming for a visit at the end of the month if she was trying to give you the brush off. She may however be wanting things to not go farther right now with anyone – thus she mentions the boyfriend that she wants to get back with. That allows a female to enjoy the company of a man without having to worry that he will want an exclusive relationship or get too serious on her because she has let him know from the beginning that she is unavailable. I take it that you guys didn’t have sex again. Well the weekend is young.

  3. Don’t psych yourself out too much over it. I find that’s my problem, I over analyze things and end up compounding the problem because I start second guessing myself and trying to figure out what’s going on in other peoples heads.Just take it in stride, it’s easier that way.

  4. ugh, so confusing and annoying! women! 🙂 i think i am putting my ex-boyfriend through the same thing. i feel bad. i have so far resisted the urge to revisit the physical with him.