Yesterday, we had a meeting with all the engineers from all the radio stations on the island. I felt intimidated, I felt like everyone in the room knew more about radio than me. I feel the same way when I get aroound a lot of scuba divers. A girlfriend once told me that I never needed to be intimidated around scuba divers because I was one of the most qualified, experienced divers anywhere. On one level, I can agree, and realize that she’s right. My feelings of insecurity come from within, and are mostly unfounded. But it is hard to stop feelings from popping up.
Yesterday, everyone except me was a college trained, experienced engineer, bragging “Oh yeah, I designed this station and that station”. I never designed any stations, I never went to college. I got out of school and went to work and have been working ever since. At my prevoius job, I was a “Communications System Technician” and I got promoted to “Engineer” but when I get around other engineers I don’t have the confidence I should have. I’m afraid if I open my mouth I’ll sound stupid. I’m not a real engineer, I’m just wearing his hat.
Anyway, last night and this morning I’m feeling kind of low. I can do my job OK. Most of the guys yesterday were traveling consultants contracted by the other radio stations because of some problems with the stations interfering with each other. My station doesn’t need any taveling consultants because they have me. I am what you call a jack of all trades, master of none. I feel intimidated when I get around a master of a particular trade. I am painfully aware ofthe things I DON’T know.
Life is too short for me to learn everything I want to learn, plus do all the goofing around and playing I want to do.
Yesterday the neighbors dog wrecked my cactus, I’m going out now to repot them. It was cloudy last night. I wanted to go look through my Binocs. Tonight the OI Girl arrives!