Tired of my own BS

I almost posted a post yesterday, I typed it all up. Can’t remember what it was now. I did everything except hit the ‘publish’ button. I remember thinking “this is stupid” and navigating away from the page, post lost to the internet oblivion. Most days I disgust myself, at least for a few seconds. Part of me is this smartass little kid that I can’t stand. I remember when I was actually a little kid, being aware that part of me is this smartass little kid that I didn’t like and had difficulty controlling. Everyday this smartass little kid irritates my wife and I. Only she doesn’t know about the smartass little kid, she thinks it’s me.
In 1973, when I got drunk for the first time, and shortly thereafter, when I started taking drugs, the smartass little kid disappeared. I felt normal when I was drinking and taking drugs, even when I wasn’t high. Now, I quit drinking and drugs over 20 years ago, and the smartass is back. I’m pretty sure its a mental defect. I’m probably what you call a functioning lunatic.

Last night I was dreaming I was weaving chocolate and gold. I was trying to make the gold go in a perfect spiral in the chocolate but mine weren’t turning out as well as the store bought ones. I was thinking to myself, “I really don’t need money since I have all this gold” In my dream I was also converting ounces to grams and vice versa.

Also last night we finally had rain, probably a half hour of good hard rain. I think it was just what we needed here.

5 thoughts on “Tired of my own BS

  1. We all have an inner child inside that comes out every now and then. I believe it's also better to embrace it and let it come out than keep it inside. What's important is not let him take over you, as you are also a very smart, loving and interesting person that doesn't need to be a smartass in every situation!!! I love you 🙂

  2. Interesting post Mark… I hope you and rid yourself of the smartass if it's bothering you!Sunshine is right, you are a nice person I'm sure.

  3. "I'm probably what you call a functioning lunatic"Yeah, but aren't we all? :-)I'm sorry it does sound like you're a little down. The chocolate dream sounds really neat though.

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