What to write about?

I haven’t written in a few days becuse I don’t know what to write about. I’ve been working, and I’ve been diving. I don’t want to just talk about work and I don’t want to turn this into a logbook of my dives.

But that’s all my life is I guess.

I go to work. I don’t think anyone at work socializes anyone else at work. I go diving, I meet whoever I am diving with, we get in, we dive, we get out, and we go our separate ways. I don’t have anyone I socialize with, I don’t confide in anyone or have any close friends. I haven’t dated in a long time, I have always had a hard time dating and getting into a relationship. I can’t describe how I met any of my past girlfriends, except to say it just happened, randomly. Nowadays, most of the women I find attractive are unavailable or too young.

I read an article about certain retarded people, they literally can’t function in the world. They can’t hold a job or take care of themselves, but they are hyper-social, they can talk to anyone and get them talking back.
The same article describes the other end of the scale, people who are perceived as a genius, but they can walk away from a meeting thinking, “That went well”, but in reality they offended everyone in the room and everyone is outraged. They are just as retarded and the first example but they are sometimes able to function, hold a job, etc.

I’m no genius, in fact I don’t think I’m even that smart. I always feel like I’m in a little bit over my head. I always am running to go learn something I think I already should know before anyone finds out I don’t know it. I feel like I have to guard what I say lest I commit some unknown offense.

I don’t think I am fully either type of retarded person, but I definitely think I lean towards the latter of the two examples.

So I don’t know what to write, I feel like an inadequate, boring person who is wasting his life. Every day I can write a variation of, “had a lousy/great day at work today”, or “Today I had a great dive! here’s some pictures!” But I feel like if I said what was REALLY going on in my head, everyone would either run away or have me locked up. And I don’t want to be some psycho, (I guess I already am, but I don’t want anyone to know).

An hour ago I was sound asleep and dreaming, but I heard my front door open and abruptly I woke up. I walked to the door and it was a very pretty girl standing inside, who said “I think I’m in the wrong apartment”, and she went back out. Now I can’t sleep wishing I could have thought faster and found a way to have gotten her to stay!

0 thoughts on “What to write about?

  1. I want to know what kind of a place that you live in where strange women just walk into oyur apt. Sure you weren’t dreaming? By the way, I LOVE your dive pictures, they are so, so beautiful. My brother is a diver but he never took pics like that. And secondly, share those MP3 files dude!

  2. I can relate to some of that – especially guarding what I say for fear it may cause offence, and the hurrying to catch up on things I should already know. And in social situations, unless I know most people there, I’m the quiet one at the back!I’m enjoying reading about your life, mine is a limited one and I have to work hard to think of things to say in my blog too, but your diving is a darn sight more interesting than the usual hum-drum of moaning about kids!I have no tips to offer, no activities or places to suggest you visit to change the things you don’t like. But you’ve made friends here, Mark, and offended no-one…Interesting way to wake up BTW! Did she have a key, or do you not lock your door?

  3. Hey Mark, I think a lot of people can relate to what you are saying, only you’ve got the guts to be honest about it and share it on your blog. So many people walk around with this facade pretending to be one thing, when inside they are totally lost. You are not alone. I think you have a great blog and I enjoy reading about your life. I think the diving thing is very fascinating. You have a hobby that is a major part of your life. I don’t have any hobbies that are that exciting or interesting.

  4. omgosh, you’re totally not a retard so please don’t insinuate that you might be one..’sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t!’ is just that momentary drag of the day. :)blogs *can* be boring but it’s also has the potential to open your eyes and mind to reflect upon any topic that catches your interest, whether it was something neat that occurred at your place (like the pretty girl) or something that caught your attention and made you mull over the topic or opinion, or whatever…this is your chance to frame anything you ever wanted to publish or express an opinion/judgement upon..(which is what i really should’ve done while in berkeley cause there was always something to reflect upon)sometimes, it’s difficult to find a good find to share with others..but that’s also what makes blogging a worthwhile read/personal publishing entry.besides, you’re doing fine. 🙂 and i wanna hear your aud versions too! :)tt4n 🙂

  5. I read your blog because you write about something that I know nothing about, diving and I like learning new things.I also enjoy the pictures.I am also waiting for you to chronicle your gill development. Someone who spends that much time in the ocean has to begin taking on qualities of the surroundings. 🙂

  6. I think perhaps a lot more people than you might guess feel this way. I too, don’t want my blog to become Baby Central, but that is the main thing on my mind these days. I try to find other things to write about though so that people will keep coming. 😉 And I also believe that our most private thoughts (the ones that would make people believe we are psycho) are not necessarily meant for such a public forum. Unless, of course, you completely conceal your identity and then blog about whatever your heart desires – crazy or not!