The Mystery Elephant Speech

My good friends, Caymanians, distinguished guests, Madame Speaker and members of the Legislative Assembly, immigration and police officials, visiting dignitaries, ladies and gentlemen of the press, my millions upon millions of daily readers, and of course, my Most Valued, Blog Commentators.

The Cayman Islands is not commonly known for its elephant population. I, however, am quite concerned with the sudden appearance of the above-pictured elephant in the vacant lot behind the Cost-U-Less store.

I was driving home from work about three weeks ago, and noticed aforementioned elephant in aforementioned picture in aforementioned vacant lot. My first thought as I legally drove by, not exceeding the speed limit, in my properly licensed and insured vehicle, was that it was a pig, a swine, if you will. I thought to myself, “Where did this pig come from? It wasn’t there yesterday.”

The next day, I drove by again and realised that it was intended to appear as an elephant, not a pig. The third day, I felt compelled to stop and take the above photo.

I raised the alarm on social media, and was shocked at the lack of response. Only one person said they noticed it, and nobody really seemed very concerned.

Where did this elephant come from? What is his or her mission? What is its immigration status? Does it have a valid work permit?

As I drove home, warily, and I admit somewhat fearfully, on subsequent days, glancing at the intruding elephant, I began to notice a strange phenomenon. Every day, the elephant seemed to be moving closer to the road! What is the method of locomotion? Do people come every night, and inch it closer to the road? Does it have its own propulsion system? Why is it moving towards the road in such a stealthily manner? What are its intentions? Could it be advancing for a planned attack on the roadway? Does it eat cars or people? Am I the only one concerned about the safety and well-being of our beloved Cayman Islands and Her people from all over the world?

Again I must inquire about the origins of the ghastly beast and its abrupt appearance from seemingly nowhere. Its skin looks not unlike black, plastic trash bag. If the elephant is man-made, where would one possibly find a trash bag so huge? This alone seems to indicate that the origins of this mysterious elephant cannot be of this planet. Was it beamed down to the surface of this planet in a Star Trek type manner? Is there a hostile spacecraft orbiting above us this very minute, with its lethal weapons trained upon us for an imminent attack? Or is there an alien spacecraft hidden in the bush nearby?

All these questions demand a thorough investigation! The Cayman Islands, nay, the entire Earth, could be in the throes of a planetary invasion!

So I implore you, dear readers, do not take this matter lightly. Spring into action, prepare to defend yourselves if necessary. Do not let us be dominated by alien, spaceship-flying, car-and-people-eating, sneaky, trash bag skinned, hostile, invading elephants that try to look like pigs!

Cat Wrangler

“they look like cats, but they’re pigsimage

We have Seven Cats (and two dogs) which makes us “Cat Wranglers”. These cats are ferrel, and after two years, I can barely touch them. Oh, they love The Wife, she can pet them and scratch their bellies and they run to her when she comes outside. I get quiet indifference.

But the purpose of this post is to tell all a yall that I think some of our cats are really pigs, namely the males. We have 3 males and 4 females and they all get one scoop twice a day. The males woof theirs down, then try to steal the rest of the ladies dinners.

So lately, I’ve been trying to stop this from happening. When the males finish first I try to prevent them from stealing the girls’s food. I just put my hand out and catwrangle them and try to stop them from pushing the ladycat out of the way.

The boys seem to understand, they quit pushing bit sit a short distance away and STARE rudely at the girls untill they walk away to preen, obviously thinking “All men are pigs!”

But in defense of men everywhere, with the dogs its the girl who is the pig, who stares, and would push the male dog out of the way, if we weren’t already such accomplished “Dawg Wranglers”