How Do I Know I’m Done?

I’m still seeing my counselor that I started seeing because of my divorce. I’m starting to wonder how willl I know if I’m done? We morphed away from the divorce and the ex wife quite some time ago, and I still have lots of questions about other things, But how will I know it’s time to stop? I’ts not like I’m going to cross a finish line and know, It’s not like a scab will fall off and reveal new, pink skin underneath.

I have a feling that since I’m wondering, I’m getting ready to realiize the answer, but the more I learn, the more I’m aware of things that I don’t know. Every answered questiion raises two new questions..

So how do I know? Do you know how I’ll know?

Happy Friday!

Alternatives to crabiness?

I’m trying to automatically be nicer. I sometimes look and sound angry when i’m not. Sometimes when I see my reflection on the street i’m surprised that I don’t look how I feel. I look mean and angry sometimes, not all the time but sometimes. Sometimes i’m surprised. So i’m trying to be automatically nicer.

The problem is nobody listens to me until I get crabby, seems like. This morning, walking the dogs, I say politely “no pulling!” and they ignore me. I have to say it again loudly and gruffly to get results.

Sometimes when there’s trouble going on it seems like it will never end until I get display anger. Logically speaking, I might as well just just display anger immediately to end the crap.

I not unfrequently display anger.when i’m not angry,

Where’s the line? How can I be nice and polite and not have conflicts with others? I’m not asking the question properly. How do I be nicer all the time when my knee jerk reaction is sometimes aggressiveness?

Have a good day!

The Ice Pick

I frequently have the sensation of an ice pick in my chest. Usually in the front left corner of my ribcage, to the left of my heart. Sometimes it feels like it’s stuck directly in my heart.

When I’m meditating, it moves to the opposite side, the right rear corner of my ribcage. My meditation teacher said I should focus on that spot when meditating.

I can feel the spike in me, I try to imagine the handle poking out. It’s not unpleasant, just a thing.

Happy Tuesday!

Different Caribbeans

I usually walk to the sea during my morning dog walk. I stand there and try to make a memory for the day that I can come back to. Part of my prayer/meditation/get my head on straight morning routine. Several times a week, I swim during my lunch break. I usually swim 800 meters, half mile.

it occurred to me this morning that the Caribbean Sea of my morning walk is not the same Caribbean Sea as my lunch time swims. In the morning, the sea is something to cling to, for comfort, safety and peace of mind. At lunch, the sea is more like a companion, “let’s go, you and me buddy”.

Yesterdays swim was excellent . Challenging. The swell was from the south, current from the north. The wind on my face told me to swim north . I swam down and back, and had about 715 meters. To get my 800 meters, out to the parked dive boat for the extra distance. Swimming back from the boat, the current was very strong against me. At first the bottom was not moving in accordance to my swim strokes. I had to put some extra reach and stretch into it to get going again. It was excellent.

The sea and I were communicating. The wind told me which way to swim first. The sea spoke and I was glad to be able to answer.

I intended to swim 800 meters, I actually swam about 913 eters. 999 yards.

i wish I swam that extra yard! Hope I get to swim again today!

Tension To Tranquility

Today is back to work after a full weekend. Next weekend I have to commit some time to yard work and housework.

Yesterday I attended this workshop. It was very full. To be honest, I wasn’t that impressed. I already knew and incorporate most of the techniques covered. One new one that I like is 54321, list in your head or on paper:

5 things you can see
4 things you can hear
3 things you can feel
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste.

this will bring you back to the present moment if you find yourself preoccupied with the past or future. The workshop was good, overall, just for me, not much new.

Happy Monday , have a great week!

What Scale?

I have a friend in Grand Forks North Dakota USA. It’s mighty cold up there.. Of course, you can’t tell how cold with any internet weather sites. They don’t specify the scale they’re using. How unprofessional! How unscientific! Is it Kelvin? It it Centigrade? Who can tell?

its either -7⁰ or 19⁰ or 266⁰ but it might be -7⁰ or 14⁰ or 251⁰, perhaps -7⁰ or -251⁰ or -472⁰. Who can tell? They might be using any temperature scale. Nowhere does it specify the scale being used. The information is therefore worthless.

Very annoying.

Happy Friday !

The Shortest Day

December 21, the winter solstice, shortest day of the year. First day of winter. Only in the northern hemisphere though.

After 10:27 local time, the sun begins it’s journey back north, away from the tropic of Capricorn on its way to the tropic of Cancer.

First day of winter in the northern hemisphere, first day of summer in the southern hemisphere.

Here it’s cold, low 70’s. Windy. I can hear wind howling across the front of the house right now.

I’ve been enjoying the darkness of the mornings this year I feel more like I own the time than I did in the daylight warnings of Summer.

Have a wonderful day!

Improved Attitude

I’ve decided I’m going to improve my attitude. I have been becoming more aware of my negative thoughts and am able to reverse this process towards the positive.

What I’m talking about is an improvement at one level just one notch under the conscious level of normal awakeness. Improving the content of the brains background chatter..

I can do it. It will work.

have a good weekend!

In 2, 3. Out, 2, 3, 4.

This is me counting as I breathe when I wake up in the middle of almost every night. Exhale longer than the inhale to promote relaxation.

it’s quite effective if you’re trying to relax or get calm in any situation.

When you find your mind wandering, (and it will) return your focus to your breath. It’s about being in the present, not thinking about anything in the past or future.

Have a wonderful, relaxing day!


ive been going through (another) period where there seems to be no topics for me to post about, or, I don’t like the posts I post.

Ive gotten to the point where I’m going to accept being single. I’ve asked everybody I’m interested in out, they all said no, there’s nobody.

Seems like

I’m 63, I don’t want to be looking for a girlfriend like some teenager, I want to be in an established marriage. The fact that I’m in a situation where I’m looking for a partner is embarrassing and humiliating.

theres worse things than being single.