I haven’t entered much these past few days.
After I got back to work from my vacation, I was very busy. Now, Fiday night, I am catching up on all the laundry that has been accumulating for the past two weeks.
I guess I’m a little depressed.
I’m not seeing anyone, I was married and after I divorced I went out with this girl for about two years and found out she was fooling around the whole time. We had a long distance relationship. I haven’t really dated since. Well, I did have about a two month fling for a while last summer. I think I’ve had sex twice since last September, maybe 3 times at the max. I don’t think I’m worth much in the long term relationship department anymore, meeting someone and dating and getting into it seems like a game that I don’t want to play. I don’t really want just sex either, (but it WOULD be nice more than just occoasionally!) I want companionship and to trust and be trusted and work to make a relationship work. Basically, I want a relationship, but don’t want to start one, I want to be in one already established. Kinda like wanting a college degree but never wanting to enroll. I want a good relationship, but don’t know anyone I’d be willing to put out the effort to build a relationship with. I just don’t want to expend the energy to get started. Sounds pretty bad, huh? Basically, temporarily at least, I quit. I don’t go out, I don’t look, I don’t know anyone single, if I get lonely and want to call someone on the phone I don’t know anyone to call.
Does this make sense? But don’t get me wrong, my life is good, and I like it.
Most of the time.