Category Archives: sleep

Sleeping Insanity

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Above is a nice daily thought. It was sent to me by a friend in Jamaica. I don’t know what book it’s from.

Since my (now ex) wife left, I wake up exhausted every morning. In sleep, I cannot control my thoughts and it is torturous. This morning I woke up by sitting bolt upright, gasping for breath. I don’t remember what was going through my head that woke me up. Apparently I couldn’t breathe.

In the daytime, when I catch my “negative chatter”, I can stop it. The hard part is being aware of it.

Every night, I go to bed, 9:30 or 10, and pass out immediately. Then I wake up at midnight or one and after that it seems I have nightmares all night and am aware but somehow asleep. I spend the night wrestling to regain control of my mind. Among other things, I say terrible things about myself, the part of me knowing it’s not true struggling but unable to speak up in my defense. I also remember dreaming in screams, no words, no video, no humanness, nothing that is me, just “aaaaaahhhhhhh!” Screaming like an animal in my head, over and over.

this is sleeping in general, not just last night.

After a long night, my alarm goes off at 5 till 5, but I’m usually awake already, totally exhausted. Then I find myself in this beautiful tropical paradise and tell myself “the bad things are only in your head”. And it’s true. Then I spend the day trying to recover from sleeping by reading things like the page in the image above. And being my own cheerleader, the sane me telling the insane me “it’s gonna be alright”.

By the time I get feeling ok, it’s time for bed again…

Yes, I’m in counseling and yes, I’m doing everything I can think of to do. Someone told me it takes one month to recover for every year we were together. In that case, it’s going to be a long 15 months.

I’m going diving today. Have a good day. And night!

No More “Embed”?

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I mentioned the other day that “embed” quit working on WordPress. Now they have removed the option from the menu. Oh well, it didn’t work anyway.

Here’s a link to a dog walk video. I put this video on TikTok instead of YouTube. I would be interested in knowing how it works, especially if you don’t have TikTok.

Yesterday turned out to be a great day, I went to what I will describe a Jewish baby shower. Then an evening dinner at a friend’s house.

This morning I took the dogs to the beach, gave them a bath when we got home. Soon I’m leaving for a lunch at another friend’s house.

I certainly woke up burnt out yesterday, and this morning. I guess it’s a new “thing” I’m going to be going through. As you already know from my incessant whining, I’ve been having trouble sleeping for the last several months. I have pretty much decided that I no longer care whether I sleep or not, I will just go where I have to go and do what I need to do. But yesterday morning I felt extra crappy.

I’m getting ready to go to “thee lunch”. Happy Boxing Day, happy Sunday!

Backwards Person

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I feel like I wake up and spend all day recovering from the sleep, instead of the other way around. Major brain damage cured by coffee!

Today will consist of beach and meals. I’m also thinking it’s a good day to get the yard mowed.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good day!

Hurricane Season Is Over

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Hurricane season 2021 is over. Hurricane Grace was the only storm we had. It did quite a bit of damage.

Last night, I slept pretty good. There were no major dog events and it was a quiet night.

Today I have an appointment with the eye doctor about my glaucoma. I’ll probably end up getting laser surgery today in one eye.

Have a wonderful day!

Good Sleepin’ Weather

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Last night was good sleepin’ weather. Doors and windows wide open, breeze blowing through, two blankets. It was nice, snuggled in bed. Around halfway through the night I had to take off one blanket but it was still good sleeping weather. I think it was warmer when I woke up then it was when I went to bed.

It’s the start of the sleepin’ season!

Have a good season!

Decrease Your Walking Time

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I believe I’ve discovered a way to decrease the time I spend walking in the mornings. Without decreasing the distance walked. I’ll show you: go on, get up and walk. Now walk faster, faster still, a little bit faster, faster! That’s pretty good!

I believe the term that I should use for this faster walking will be “running”.

I shall get it to patented and copyrighted and I shall be rich for my invention!

Seriously though, it’s Wednesday, I slept good last night, I feel good now, I’m ready to go to work. I plan on swimming in half mile at lunch time like I did yesterday.

Have a wonderful day!

Sleep Tests & Adjustments

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I was going to post a picture of the cat, but the cat moved. I’ve been trying to get a specific shot for 2 days and both times she follows me when I go to get the camera.

I’ve been trying to improve my sleep. My sleep monitoring app says I’m sleeping pretty good but I don’t feel like I am. I think I’m fooling it by laying still and relaxing even though I’m awake.

yesterday’s
This mornings

I am experimenting with the bed, changing blankets and and etcetera. A few months ago I got new pillows and slept really well for a few days after that. I was excited to go to bed to test the new pillow. Nowadays I can’t tell if I’m too cold or too hot and I’m switching blankets this week. It seems like I always wake up at regular intervals, and the regular intervals stay the same. It’s weird that I can’t tell if I’m sleeping well or not.

Have a happy hump day!

Ceiling Fixed

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Last night the guy completed the fixing of the ceiling where the air conditioner tray flooded from above. Then I cleaned the steps and everything and didn’t go to movie night.

I went to bed late and slept well although my sleep app says I didn’t sleep well. 0% deep sleep. 33% sleep score, lowest ever for me.

And I woke up at 2:00 a.m. for an hour and worried about not being able to sleep, which is normal which is normal for me these days.

I’m glad it’s Friday, it has been a very long week.

Have a great weekend!

Adding More To It

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Met with the wife yesterday. She wants a divorce. Although it’s not surprising it did cause me to restart the cycle of grief I suppose.

I didn’t sleep well last night, I saw the moon come up at the bottom of my window and rise up and up till it passed the window top while I was laying in bed. My sleep thing on my watch shows 59% efficiency, which is really low.

I’m tired of posting these sad posts.

Tonight is movie night at the Westin but I’m not sure if I’m going to go, the guy is fixing my ceiling from the air conditioner leak and I’m not sure what time he’ll be done, plus I might be tired.

Enjoy your day!

Smith Cove After Grace.

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During lunch yesterday I stopped by Smith Cove. It was fairly devastated even after a clean up was started.

I also stopped by Dart Family Park. It had lost a lot of trees too but didn’t seem as bad as Smith Cove.

I remember hurricane Ivan seemed to actually improve Smith Cove. It washed sand up under all the big trees and cleared out the bush where people would throw litter and perves would hang out and leer. Smith Cove seemed like a much nicer and safer place after that. I don’t remember hurricane Ivan destroying so many trees, but there were no leaves left on anything. Hurricane Ivan’s signature was nothing green shall remain.

Today was my 2nd day of waking up at 4:55 instead of 4:20. I seem short on time this morning, obviously, it doesn’t seem to be unmanageable, so far. And it feels good to just sleep a little bit later. By the end of the week waking up at 4:20 I would consider going to the doctor to find out what was wrong with me. Not enough sleep!

Have a wonderful day!