Bad Headaches

There was this guy, he suffered from terrible headaches, every day, all day. They were so bad, his life consisted only of going from doctor to doctor, looking for a cure.

Finally, he found a doctor who told him he had a very rare medical condition, that his testicles were pressing against the base of his spine, the pressure traveled up his spinal column, and manifested itself as a severe headache.

“Unfortunately”, The doctor told him, “the only cure is castration”.

The guy took a night to think about it, but really, the headaches were that bad, and he went back the next day for the operation.

As he was driving home from the hospital, he reflected that he was starting a new life that day. Not only were the headaches gone for the first time in his life, he was also castrated. His life would be completely different.

About that time he passed a clothing store, and he decided to get a new set of clothes to start his new life with.

“Can I help you?” asked the salesman.
“Well”, said the guy, “I’d like a new set of clothes”

The salesman looked at him, and said “You look like you’re a 33 and three quarter inch waist, and a 34 and a half inch inseam”

“Wow!” said they guy, “That’s exactly right! How did you know?

The salesman smiled and said, “It’s my job”

The guy tried on the pants and they fit perfectly, first time, no tailoring.

The salesman said, “you look like you wear a 17 inch neck size 34 shirt”

Incredible! said the guy, “How do you do it?”

The salesman said, “It’s my job”

And so it went, new hat, new shoes, socks, jacket and vest. Everything the salesman estimated by looking fit perfectly, and nothing had to be tailored.

The guy was at the checkout counter, and the salesman asked “How about a new package of underwear to go with all this?”

The guy said “Sure, why not!?”

The salesman looked at him and said “You look like you wear a 34 inch waist underwear”

The guy said “Nope! Got you there! I’ve been wearing 32’s my whole life!”

“What?” stammered the salesman, “why, that’s impossible. Size 32 would press your testicles against the base of your spine and cause severe headaches!”

Hump Day

Well, it’s Wednesday, AKA hump day, as you already know.

Yesterday was a pretty crappy day. No reason for it, it just was. Seems like I’ve been having a lot of bad days lately. Today MUST be better.

The weather calls for rain, but right now, the sky is clear. I think the days heat makes the clouds.
Plus there’s supposedly a small system coming towards us, but things look pretty good so far today.

I’ve been calling the airlines every day about our lost bag. I think I only mentioned it briefly. That will be a post for tomorrow. Them Bastads!

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Early to bed, early to rise

I went to bed kind of early last night. I wasn’t going to bed, I just wanted to lay down and play Free Cell on my phone. But then the wife came and climbed in so I just stayed.
Then I woke up early and started worrying about crap.

Crashing my motorcycle.
I’m not good enough.
Paying the bills.
Who thinks what about what.
What will I do when my Dawg dies.
I can’t do it.

And countless tons of other bullshit.

I am my own worst enemy. I get alone and start telling myself worse things about myself than anyone else could ever say.

Then I wake up and have to pull myself up put of a funk just to get started.

And all this before my first cup of coffee on a Monday!

Freeky

Most peoples faces aren’t symmetrical. These pics are copying one half of my face from the picture, reversing it, and replacing the other side of my face with it. To me it is creepy. So creepy, I almost didn’t post this post.

The original picture

The left side of my face on both sides of my head.

The right side of my face on both sides of my head.
All three look surprisingly different, don’t they?

If you are reading this, then try it with a picture of you. Or someone else. Below is Abe Lincoln.

He looks pretty much the same in all 3

Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th is my lucky day, and black cats too.

Last night the wife and I went to the Chamber of Commerce After Hours at a car museum that is pretty new here in Cayman. They have a lot of cool cars. All owned by one person. The only problem was that the place was so full of cars, you couldn’t get far away enough to take a decent picture!
There is the original Batmobile, from 1966, a Bentley owned bu Elton John, and tons of other cars and motorcycles.

But the best car of all, was in the parking lot.

The Jet Blue Dude


I can really relate to this guy, and how he handled the situation. His name is Steven Slater. He had a run-in with a passenger, who used foul language and hit him, so Steven went to the PA and cussed him out, deployed the escape slide, walked to his car and went home. (I guess it’s lucky they happened tobe on the ground! I wonder if he had a parachute?).

Plus, the fact that Steven Slater grabbed a beer before he left is a classic move! The icing on the cake!

I bet the passenger who caused it is really nervous, hoping the media doesn’t get his name!

I wonder what happened on the plane after that? Surely, after a emergency exit slide has been deployed, they can’t just roll it up, close the door and take off. I am sure the passengers had to at least de-plane and wait, or maybe get on a different plane.

I don’t like it when I see people treat flight attendants, janitors, waiters and waitress’s poorly.

PS, today’s my birthday! I’m a 601 month old baby!

Mmmm McDonalds! I want a Happy Meal!

Thanks for everybodys comments yesterday, I’m feeling much better today! Here’s something I found that was interesting.

Year-old Happy Meal hasn’t decomposed (photos)


Happy Meal at time of purchase. Scroll down to see the same Happy Meal one year later. (Joann Bruso)

Blogger and nutritionist Joann Bruso celebrated an unusual birthday this past March: the one-year anniversary of a Happy Meal on her office shelf.

Exactly one year ago, Bruso purchased a McDonald’s Happy Meal –something the nutritionist probably wouldn’t dream of eating or feeding to a child– for the sake of conducting a bit of a scientific experiment. The test was simple: place the Happy Meal on a shelf, right behind the computer where she does her writing, and wait.

And wait she did, for one entire year, as the burger, fries and drink moldered away on the shelf. Only, contrary to what one would expect of food left out in the air for twelve months, the Happy Meal didn’t gather any actual mold.

In fact, the Happy Meal looks mysteriously similar to how it looked one year ago. Bruso describes the miniscule changes that have occurred:

The bread is crusty and if you look closely, you will see a crack across the top. The hamburger has shrunk a bit and still resembles a hockey puck. Yet, the French fries look yummy enough to eat. I never had an odor problem, after a couple of weeks, I couldn’t even smell the fries.”

After one year, the Happy Meal shows very little decomposition.

Bruso realizes that a Happy Meal exhibiting few changes after an entire year is not a good thing. Real food is meant to break down inside the body. If a burger can’t be decomposed even by microbes, then it is true, she asserts, that “your child’s body can’t properly metabolize it either.”


The reason for the lack of change in the year-old McDonald’s Happy Meal is the number of preservatives in the food. Whi
le McDonald’s has attempted to counter claims about its unhealthiness by posting calorie counts and featuring some slightly healthier menu items, the actual ingredients are something you won’t hear them touting in their ad campaigns.

While McDonald’s insists that they use no preservatives in their hamburger patty, the bun, pickle and french fries are a whole different story. In fact, for such a simple item, the list of ingredients for the humble pickle slice is lengthy: cucumbers, water, distilled vinegar, salt, calcium chloride, sodium benzoate or potassium sorbate (preservative), natural flavor (vegetable source), alum, polysorbate 80, turmeric.


The Happy Meal hamburger bun’s ingredient list is sadly too long to reproduce, but includes the preservative calcium propionate (which is what keeps that year-old bun looking daisy fresh), along with ominous sounding ingredients such as calcium peroxide and azodicarbonamide. Yum!

The next time you think about buying a Happy Meal for your kids, consider the fact that it might just contain some of the same ingredients as the toy it comes with.

Every Monday

I say how the weekend was.

This is a shit blog. I just post some crap every day.

Most of the blogs I know seem to last about two years. This one’s been going 5.

Most of the people who used to comment here, now have inactive blogs.

It’s a stinking fuckin Monday. I’m in the process of getting screwed at work. I’ve been getting screwed, really, as long as I’ve been there.

When I was a kid I started delivering newspapers, I haven’t really been unemployed since, and I got nothing to show for it.

Sometimes I’m tired of running in the ratwheel.